tres – talkin’

realizations and secrets revealed

Posted in Personal, Random Thoughts by tres on May 20, 2009

Recently, a batchmate has invited me on their son’s birthday. Since I have nothing to do on that day, I decided to go. Actually, it was not a difficult for me to be convinced to go at the party even if there are household chores I have to leave home. Those things can wait. It has been a long while when the idea of meeting up with the batch and catch up with other’s lives. Only, everyone has been busy eversince and the meetup with majority present was never been achieved. The initial planning happened two years back and everytime the idea is brought out in the e-group mail, it seems the topic is something new and yet at the end of the day, everything is back in square one. I thought that the venue would be a perfect start to start things up with our batch’s much delayed get-together.

But there was no batch get-together happened. Nevertheless, I got to meet 2 of them, the host and another guest. And the guest has to leave right after the party and I was left with no choice but to follow after. That was the plan, but the host said I should stay and have a little conversation. So I obliged.

On the conversations we had – jumping from one topic to another and in the middle of taking care on his son and looking for other guests coming – I have a lot of things realized and revelations learned for the years we have never seen each other. Lots have changed for the better for him and I felt he’s way ahead of me now. Just when I thought everything has been going on my way, there’s this reality that is unfolding right smack to my face.

I admit I envy this guy. He seems to be happy with his family life. Although he says that he is not satisfied with his current job, it seems to me he has financial security with his work. Only he asks for more. When he asks back what I have been doing lately, about my lovelife and my work, I felt so little in his eyes as these things are the issues I have been struggling and continue to struggle still. I am still nil in the love department and my gig pales in comparison to his. And he just couldn’t believe I am failing miserably and not doing something about it.

The sadder thing for me is that other batchmates are also doing good although to a lesser extent than to this lucky guy but musch better than I am. What surprises me more is the secret I never thought would happen. (I promised not to divulge this to anyone so I will leave at that.) I was genuinely awed on what has been revealed. It is not shocking but surprising nonetheless. In my mind, “what if” questions are running fast. I could have been happier today if I only done something for my own good if not just for my ego. Or I could have been more miserable than ever.

Overall, what I have learned from the meetup is that I need to struggle more and as my boss has told me before, I will have to be more aggressive. I need to take more risks. But on the other hand, I might just be thinking I was way behind when I am not. It is just a state of mind I need to get out again. I need to relax. Who knows, this lucky guy that I thought to be is just acting as if he was when in fact he is also looking for his own happiness. But of course, I can only dream for that.

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